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Permanent||Amnesia
There's this girl who's sixteen years young as of February 10th and a sophomore in high school as of 2010. She's quiet until you get to know her, then she 'won't shut up' as some people say. Her emotions get the best of her. She doesn't know what's up or what's down but she's just running through life trying not to look backwards. "Keep your head held up high," they used to always say. But not too high or you won't realize your shoelace is untied. With a cute sense of humor and random personality you will hear her making random noises in the hallway with her friends. Any insults bounce right back, she won't care what you think unless you are close to her. This teenage girl’s life isn't all around boys, boys, and boys. She has no interest in trying to get a relationship but if one came along we’ll see what happens. She has quite a large procrastination problem and she tends to hold her feelings in until they burst at the worst moment possible. With as many friends as she needs, a great family, and a heart of a performer; she will try to get through life, one day at a time.

Personal Goals for February
[x] Go to school everyday for a week.
[ ] Go to school everyday for 2 weeks.
[ ] Be on time for a week to school.
[ ] Go to bed before 12AM for a week.

People don't keep journals for them- selves; they keep them for other people. Like a secret they don't want to tell, but they want everyone to know.
                                              -Chuck Klosterman


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Name: Permanent Amnesia
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Member Since: 1/3/2010

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Life As It Goes On
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Why Yes, I do Dance Around in my Underwear.
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!!!Teenagers' share!!!
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I wear too much eyeliner.
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no, i'm not sarcastic...
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Blog Blog Blog Blog and Blog some more
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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Disney

I'm not editing this. I just need to vent. Okay so I have always dreamed of being a performer. and last year and this year I was supposed to be in the performing troupe at my dance school but it was crazy expensive so I didn't. They went to Disney World to perform this week and I would have been with them.. Looking at all of their pictures I started to cry. And then I felt that I would never want to do that. There were pictures of two of my friends on the fake American Idol stage singing in front of 1,000 people. I always thought I would love to do that but seeing that picture made me cry because I feel like I don't want to anymore. Now I don't know what to do because I was planning on joining that troupe next year.. I'm thinking that maybe it is just being so far away from home.. (Disney) But I am also thinking that is not. It feels like I am letting go of my dreams and this makes me so upset. But I can't help that I am loosing interest. It just feels like I shouldn't be.. I truly cant tell anymore what my real feelings are. I have not really gotten the chance to perform in front of 1000s of people alone. I have in groups but not alone. I want to be able to sing in front of all of those people by my self. The problem is that I have not been given the chance to do it so I don't know if it is what I want to pursue in life! Everything is just so complicated. I just don't want to let go of my dream of being a performer. But it seems like my mind is. I'm not forgetting about it by force because I "don't think I would succeed" or whatever. It is just going. And I don't want it to leave me <\3


Monday, March 22, 2010

Long time no post!

Yeah well, hey. Blah. I haven't been going to school an awful lot lately :\ and I keep on procrastinating, everything even on bloging. Which I probably shouldn't be because it was kind of helping. I am still acting distant from people and it's so stupid. I just don't like talking to people. We have [your state here] Comprehensive Assessment System this week (XCAS). Which, if you don't know, is a test that the state requires each public school to take to basically see how well the teachers are teaching us. But now that I am a sophomore, some of them actually count. So I can't fail them this year. But we have English this week. Which is my favorite. So I think I will be fine. I didn't go to school today :\ (or Friday) and XCAS is Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. We basically get to sit in homeroom for half of the day to be tested. It's kind of like finals and midterms.. except on those days we normally get an early dismissal. We don't on XCAS days D: OH well. Anyways yeah.. I just happens that every day I have missed.. I missed a test.. but only in History class. So now I have to make up two quizzes and a test in History class tomorrow after school. And I can not focus at all so I can't study and this stuff is from a few weeks ago.. which doesn't help me either. Blaahhh! I keep on feeling like i need to have a conversation with someone. I guess I feel this way because I have been avoiding interaction with other people. I just want to sit down with someone and have a good conversation. But I just don't want to be around people. I don't know. I want to be alone but I am subconsciously getting lonely. Blah, my friends are texting me and I don't even want to respond. Friday night was the dance, and since I did not go to school.. I wasn't allowed in, but after half of an hour sitting in the office the principal finally let me in because I was a good student and did not have anything bad on my record. It just took so long because she had to call my dad and blahblahblah then call the vice-principal and I don't even know. All I know is that when I got in. It was fun :] and I had a good time. I feel like a small percentage of stress has been released. Because (this is going to sound so pathetic) because this is kind of like talking to someone. I can not get myself to physically or even type to a human being just because I don't want to talk to someone. So this is as close as I am going to get for now. Hmm. I hope I over come this soon. I feel cranky ish. Lol. I don't know. I just don't want anything to do with anyone. Ohyeah I lost my voice, basically my throat is clogged. It's absolutely disgusting so I am just going to stop there. I am just getting more and more annoyed so I should just stop typing. Sigh.. it would be nice if this just formated itself. Becuase I really don't want to. I never want to do anything anymore. I've just lost intrest in life.

--Permanent Amnesia


Monday, February 22, 2010

Short Little Hello :D

Great day, wonderful day. Fabulous day ♥ Nothing in particular happened. Just school went by quickly and rehearsal was good. :] I'm just happy that I wasn't sad. (Probably too tired to be sad.)  But it still counts! And that's all I have to say, xD

--Permanent Amnesia


Sunday, February 21, 2010

Exclusion. Didn't they teach us to never exclude people in elementary school?

Today is the last day of the February break. All of my best friends were always hanging out with each other. Always! Okay let's make up names for my friends to make this easier to understand. My #1 Bestie, lets call her "Lauren", always was with my two other best friends, now called "Emily" and "Krissy". My birthday party was Saturday the 13th and them three were hanging out a LOT but they would always say it was for my birthday present or party or something so I never thought anything of it. They definitely were not lying. It was for my birthday but I guess just not having me around made them closer. I know this wasn't intentional but it still affected me. Lauren went over Krissy's house one day. Lauren and Krissy went to the mall another day. Krissy went over Lauren's house. Then they went to Emily's house together and slept over. They even video chatted me so they weren't hiding it. It just feels like I am left out. And I am definitely not blaming it on them. It is my fault too for not making plans. I just always assumed they were hanging out. Which was stupid. So it is my fault as well. Oh well. I guess when school starts again tomorrow things will fall back in place. I have rehearsal every night this week. Ohjeez, haha. Sometimes I wonder if I am even good. I really want to go to some sort of casting call and just see what they say. I really wanted to be in the singing and dancing troupe but we can't afford it because it is crazy expensive :\ and all of those people go to casting calls and New York and Disney and perform and stuff. I would die to do that to see if it's what I want to do in life. Right now I have no idea where my life is going. And this would really help, but it probably won't happen. Oh well. I'm in a content mood since I cried before rehearsal and rehearsal was good. So I shall leave it at that. WAIIT! I forgot to say: I want a ferret. Yes. I want a ferret. I'm trying to figure out how to ask my parents. Then I need to figure out how to convince them when they say no. Haha. We shall see how this works out. BTW I got a new phone! I don't think I complained about my old phone that much in blogs but I had the Samsung Glyde and the touch screen was so messed up. I would click something in the bottom left corner of the screen and it would click things on the opposite side. It was just horrible. So I am happily owning a new phone. My video camera is leaving me D: it needs to be fixed. But I finally became inspired and wanted to use it. Now I cannot. Lol, ohwell. Hopefully they can fix it. How do you end blogs. Thanks for reading? Haha, how about I just say :] <3

Have you ever felt left out with your friends? What did you do about it? Was leaving you out intentional or accidental? I'd like to know! :D

--Permanent Amnesia


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happy Post: Today was actually a really good day..

Woohoo! Happy post! :D Haha. Today was a good day at school. Maybe because we had a snow day yesterday so I go to sleep in and I was refreshed. I love snow and there is snow on the ground :D Not a lot though.. but at east it's something. My birthday was yesterday! I am officially 16 years old even though that didn't really effect me since I have not yet gotten my permit. I don't know when I will. Tomorrow is the last day of school before vacation. Then my birthday party is Saturday night. This post is so choppy because I am cutting my nails as I type this. I started biting them again so I am trying to cut them so they are too short to bite xD haha. And they are kind of getting bendy D: eww. Anyways. Today my mom asked me how was school. And about 98% of the time I will be like, "fine". But I responded with "GOOD" :DD and it even shocked me. My mom didn't know what to say. Haha. She asked me why it was so great and I didn't know what to say.. I'm just going to go through my day and see what it could have been.. First period: Geometry, three of my closest friends are in Geometry class which makes it good :D 2nd: History, I love history and it went by really quick since we had to fly through a whole chapter of notes so we can be tested tomorrow.. which I should be studying for now. xP 3rd: Gym, in gym we played our last game of basketball and I got at least 4 baskets today! And that is so good considering my average basket per game is probably under 0. Haha xD I legit was so proud and shocked. Lunch Block: Spanish, Spanish Lunch block is always the worst because the class is from 10:45 till 12:17 and I don't talk to anyone in that class. Thankfully we had a test during 1st and 2nd lunch, so no one was talking and I didn't feel lonely. Then spanish classes have 3rd lunch and I sat with one of my best friends who I never see anymore because of our schedules. And in lunch one of my friends from last year who I freaking love and haven't talked to for a while was sitting with us. And that just made my day. Also.. two people said I looked "very cute today" :D And a compliment always makes someone's day, which is why I tend to compliment people when ever I like something even if it's something little. I like to make other people happy. Which is kind of ironic because I am generally not a happy person. Then 4th lunch we were back in Spanish class and I spaced out with my iPod on for the whole lunch (20 minutes) and then went to my next class. 5th Period: English, English in general is my favorite subject just because of my creativity. That class went by quickly. Last period (6th): Biology, Bio was fine. We took notes and I was falling asleep but nothing was bad. Then I got on the bus, went home, almost fell asleep on the couch, and came on the computer. Nothing special happened today.. but it was just a really good day.  Honestly, it is probably from overtiredness.. hahah but maybe not :D I was supposed to film and edit today but I didn't get to it because I was afraid that it would ruin my good mood. It's 8:43PM and I need to shower do my Chapter 4 History outline and then study. I am just going to stop talking.. (typing).. I have felt my cheeks smiling so much. I'm so happy that I want to cry. I don't want to cry. Goodnight everyone, sweet dreams :D ♥ Shoot I have to do a Valentine's Day video before Sunday... haha.

--Permanent Amnesia

P.S: I'm getting married! xD (Haha, but not really) I am apparently having a fake wedding with my youtube friend xD we are having 4 kids. A boy will be Stephen Andrew Jones Muffin and a girl will be Eleanore Marie Ann Cupcake. Bahha, we are getting married February 11th (today) unless we can't make it to Vegas tonight. I'm so excited! I get to be a bride and a wife and a mommy :DD (bahah I'm cool).
P.S.S: Teehe :DD (What does PS stand for anyways..)

"P.S." stands for the Latin phrase post scriptum, which means "after writing." It is meant to reflect the fact that the text marked with "P.S." was added after the other material had already been written, as an afterthought. (Thank you Google)! xD



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