Bahh I've wanted to blog everyday this week but when ever I want to, I am at school or somewhere not home at my computer. Haha. And now I don't remember what I was going to blog about but I really want to! It was quite interesting as well. I just need to get myself to talk.. type.. whatever! because I realized that it did help brighten my mood a tiny bit. Barely, but it's something. I just need to be happier. I have been upset for the longest time now and it's really not fun. (Did I really just say 'it's not fun'?) Anyways. In health today I took my midterm and one of the questions stated, "Someone suddenly lacking interest can be a sign of being suicidal." I know the answer is true. I almost started crying, and right now I am tearing up so bad. My mind has made up already that I am suicidal, but I don't want to be! I am not in control. It's like another person inside of me, but they are stronger and I am just a helpless pushover. I almost started crying because I realized that I was lacking interest, in everything! Okay that question was restated badly. I don't remember what it was but it was deeper. I don't want to die! But I can tell that I will snap and my mind will take over once again and it will happen. I will kill myself. And I am terrified. I am so freaking terrified. Atleast before when I wanted to die, I wasn't scared. Now I am. Because I know that it's going to happen. But how long can I delay it or can it be stopped soon enough? I haven't been talking to people lately. Literally. Not talking. Just not. On Facebook my chat has been offline for a week. And it is ALWAYS on. I haven't gone on AIM and when people talk to me in school I am quieter than usual. I just don't want to talk to anyone. I don't know why. I just lack the intrest of speaking? I don't know. If someone talks to me I won't ignore them, but it's just not the same. I just really want to talk to someone about this right now but I don't like people worrying about me. I don't want to put my troubles on them. Gah, I am freezing, probably because I am in shorts.. and it's 37°F outside. (dance clothes, was too lazy to change) Yeah well.. I'm going to go because I have more midterms to study for. I think this helped get a little more out of me.. Hopefully I will be able to cope better tomorrow.. I really don't have time for this sadness :\
Woah, 9:00PM on the dot. (I'm easily amused/fascinated) Don't judge!
| ||Posted 1/19/2010 9:00 PM - 12 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments|
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